i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had sex on a roof
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
