Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
