im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
