As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
