Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
