why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
