I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
