I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
