i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
