I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
