I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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