hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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