She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
