Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
