Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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