Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize