i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
