What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
