if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
