GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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