Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
