whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
