By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
