I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
