have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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