Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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