There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
