so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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