His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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