The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
