i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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