I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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