im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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