haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
