No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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