All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
