she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
