my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
