Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
