Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You took a bar mat shot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
