matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
