you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
