I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
