did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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