That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize