Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
