3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
