Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
