I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
