I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You smell like stripper and shame
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
