The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
