you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
