just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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