Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize