Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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