i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
