Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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