we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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