To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
