I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
