glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
