she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
