there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
