then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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