they need to just BURY HIM!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Less talking, more tequila
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
