Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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