o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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