Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
