Are we in a gay sports bar?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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