Welp...herpes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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