i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
