I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
