M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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