I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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