Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
